I’m amazed by my body sometimes. It wakes me up in the middle of night when I need a wee and it also tells me I’ve been hammering it far too much over the last month and has decided to repay me by cruelly giving me a top of the range, full body illness. So just for you to picture the scene now, I’m writing this task back at my parents snuggled up in bed with a cat at my feet and a coffee so strong it’s stinging my eyes but I cant even taste- wondering what the hell happened back there, and why I’m so broken.
My June has been a whirlwind of little nuggets of stress, late nights, cardboard boxes, tents and babywipes. It more or less all started with me and the rest of my 3 housemates finally going our separate ways after 5 years of living together. From that first day when we were Big Brother stylee randomly placed together in a student accommodation in the middle of Salford. A bunch of 18-19 having their first flavour of independent living with a grand over-draft in their pockets and not even caring to call your mum where you are when you roll in at 3.30 in the morning after walking home in your bra in the rain (that actually happened, and I wouldn’t recommend it, after all it was the middle of December and Salford is not usually renowned for it’s hospitality towards young girls walking home in the dead of the night).
So while I’ve been tinkering around, moving out (did you know that moving house is up there with divorce and the death of a parent as one of the most stressful things in life?) a few things have tickled me and my mates and I shall tell you about those in the next few long winded paragraphs. I may go off on a few tangents, but bear with me on these – I have antibiotics and lemsip all up in my grill doing wonders for my vocabulary.
You know when something becomes an all time favourite amongst your friends and you start popping in quotes here and there. Little Britainisms have started to dwindle somewhat now, and the Peep Show ones are just too obscure (My Facebook status that read ‘This Crack’s a bit morish’ didn’t go down that well, ‘I’m a Sexer now, that’s what I do for a living, I’m a sexer’ – old school friends and people I never even speak to, thought I’d become a lady of the night. Throughout Glasto (more on that later) Sacha Cohen Barons character Julien in Madagascar became a staple for quotes. You can’t do it without the voice so don’t even try. My mates like a 80's end of pier turn with all the voices she has in her repetoire- tickles me even more.
“Come on, everybody! Let's go and meet the pansies!”
“Shh! Who's making that noise? Oh, it's me again...”
“Does anyone else have the heebie-jeebies? No? Good. So shut up.”
This was hilarious to us drunk on the finest Somerset cider. Perhaps no one else though. Bizarre we were choosing to get giggles from a kids film, and the guys in the next tent were doing stonking but cruel impressions of Mickey from Big Brother.
“Purple Rinse izzet?” Take something simple as a camera fitted into a car that follows a mini cab driver on various trips around London. YouTube ‘Tony Izzet’. Probably the best thing to come out of BBC Three’s ‘The Wall’. Sorry the only good thing to come out of that show. You can use Tony Izzetisms in most situations during your daily doings, and may I suggest they follow on loosely from where you may have fit your Ali G quotes all those millennia ago.
Another nugget of genius that has had me in fits of giggles is this young mans website. Either a comedy genius, or an accidental hapless fella. Check out Bretts ‘Things I Believe’ and ‘Bretts News’ – start right at the very bottom…and be in for a most random insight into this young mans life, including why he hates Robin Williams, complete with crap Photoshop collages.
http://home.wildit.net.au/hellohelloben/index
How did I find Brett, one of my friends showed him me whilst round at his having a crap BBQ. It wouldn’t light and it was only £1.50 anyways from Asda. I got hungry and took a nibble from a pork kebab, even though I haven’t eaten meat in 5 years. Instantly regretted that decision.
to be continued...
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